The Top 5 Fashion Crimes* Perpetuated by DC Women:
No. 5
The on-display butterfly collars you see blanketing the clavicles of women from Senator Clinton to the 22 year old Georgetown grad who sat next to you at the CIA information session. Not even pretty Katy Heigl can get away with a subtle variation of this look, so chances are you and your kite-sized shoulder runners aren't pulling it off, either.
No. 4
Those of you who encourage or allow your boyfriends to wear skinny jeans. "Junk outline" wasn't attractive on my of-large-carriage OAKS softball coach back in the third grade, and I've discovered - courtesy of my apartment's close proximity to the Black Cat - that it's still mouth-squinchingly unsettling, even on a rail-thin hipster.
No. 3
Mistaking a t-shirt for a blouse. Just because you wouldn't pack it in your WSC gym bag doesn't mean it belongs under your suit jacket or paired with a tri-acetate pencil skirt. If it has a crewneck, loosely-fitting short sleeves and nary a hint of waistline tailoring (think: box-shaped), do yourself a favor and save it for the next Nationals game.
No. 2
Those stupid, stupid scarves. I realize this is an obvious one, but just walk down any block of NW DC and you'll realize that despite the large number of legitimate critiques, these puppies are as prevalent as ever. The only women who can get away with wrapping one of these toxic accessories around their neck/shoulders or tied to their handbag straps are the kind who are so inherently stylish they could get away with wearing leggings, pooties and a newsboy cap. For the other 99.9% of us, a decorative scarf, be it from the Hermès flagship store or a Steinmart discount bin, has us looking about as fierce as Dorothy Zbornak. Less so, actually.
No. 1
The short, fat heel. I mean, really, why even bother? A one-inch boost neither accentuates your calf muscles nor lengthens your frame. Does 5'5" honestly make you feel more in-the-zone than 5'4"? I find anything more diminutive than a three-inch heel - not just for me but for any woman - a real waste of the wearer's time. If you have a medical condition or you simply have an aversion to looking overtly feminine, just wear a cute flat -- there is certainly no shortage of them these days.
*this list inspired by my fashion-crime-filled walk home last night and the cozy viewing of High Fidelity, my second favorite** John Cusack movie, shortly thereafter.
**not a better movie, I realize, but it holds a very dear sentimental place in my heart
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