Before I introduce you to the selection of under-$200 trenches no fewer than eight of you have requested from me in the past week, let me first apologize and offer an explanation for my recent unannounced leave of absence.
You see, last Friday after work, I allowed myself to be convinced by Jennifer to kibosh my plan to switch from OPI's 'Midnight in Moscow' back to the old standby 'Black Onyx' and instead try the (for me) very daunting, very seemingly iridescent purplish-blue 'Russian Navy'. As soon as that second coat dried and I received the all-important 'yes, now you can go' nod from Ms. F, however, every last doubt I had in rocking the luxe deep-blue vanished.
'Cause. It. Is. The. Sh*t.
But as is usually the case, with every blessed style discovery brings with it a burden to shoulder. From the moment I exited PIAF's double doors four days ago, I've had so many on-the-street compliments to field and so many "Could you write that name - Russian what was it?' - down?" pleads to indulge that I simply collapsed into an I'm-taking-a-long-weekend heap on the couch and did abso-toot-ley nothing but drink cans of Diet Sunkist and watch on-repeat episodes of the new season of "Lockup San Quentin: Extended Stay" on MSNBC.
Okay fine, I was really in Ohio for three days and too busy eating pumpkin cookies smothered in caramel icing, laughing my ladybits off in Superbad and kickin' ass in the 'fastpitch softball' batting cage to think about much else.
But for serious, I did get a lot of compliments, including one from patter-downer LaShonda at the airport in Dayton who even insisted, post-patdown, I paint her pinky nail so she could see the in-the-bottle-versus-on-the-nail difference for herself.
Oh, and yes, that is a Monte hair, like a feather plume, proudly perched in between the first and second folds of my peep-toe's satin rosette. It's like I always tell him right before a separation, be he in the care of good friends L, M, H or, as he was this weekend, the watchful staff in the rolling hills of his private pet sanctuary, baby boy is always still right here (patting heart) with Mommy.
Without any further random tangents, here, dear readers, are your coats. Your trenchcoats:
Satin trench ($138 at victoriassecret.com)*
Puff-sleeve trench by Tulle ($98 at styleviolet.com)
Floral-lined trench by Priorities ($158 at southmoonunder.com)
Double-breasted trench by Ben Sherman ($184 at southmoonunder.com)
Drop-sleeve trench (£85 at topshop.com) 
Trench with bubble hem ($69.99 at target.com)
Swing skirt trench by French Connection ($141 at amazon.com)
Alden trench by G by Guess ($79.50 at amazon.com)
English trench coat ($49 at forever21.com)
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